Interim 5: The Ship of Theseus 

Art by 包皮: https://x.com/omydickk/status/1796281884517007651

    "What did you mean about getting the lesson right?" Professor Canis' voice snapped me out of my writing. With a sigh, I shut the book over and spin slightly on the chair to face him.

    "Didn't I spell it out well enough in text?" The ticking of the clock in my room punctuated the silence as hound stared down at wolf, neither breaking the silence. Old dogs never learn new tricks. With a dog as old as this one it was surprise enough he still hadn't been put down. If one of us has to be the bigger man...

    I sigh gently and prepare to reply but Canis barks out "You tend to meander when you write, kid. You should really learn to keep things simple. Show don't tell and all that." As usual, he smirks down at me with his signature all-knowing attitude. 

    "Oh, I'm sorry, old man, you must not have focused enough of my education on literacy between all the surgeries and mutilations."

    His lips twitch a little but he's quick to reply with that silver tongue, "clearly. You don't even seem to understand the basics of punctuation." If I could hit him I would, but one lesson he did teach me was that aggression was like a white flag in a verbal conflict. I'm not the type to give in without a fight.       "Besides, I didn't decide on your curriculum. Me and Gelu may have given you extra lessons but we let the academy deal with the basics. Two scientists weren't exactly the best equipped to teach you how to whine about Odysseus' ship."

    "Theseus you philistine."

    "Whatever usus," he snaps, beaming down with his golden eyes. Despite the argument, there is a hint of joy in his smile that went beyond the pleasure of teasing his creation. "It's all Greek to me and personally I prefer the Roman ways of thinking."

    "Big shock there." I look back to the book, trying to remember where the last metaphor was going when he interrupts once again.

    "I thought you didnt like to question things anymore. Isn't that what you keep repeating in your little book? More importantly, it's a stupid thought experiment that can be solved like any other."

    "You solved Theseus' paradox?" I ask, with extra emphasis on the paradox part. "Oh please, great Canis, impart thy wisdom upon thy lowly creation."

    "Cogito, ergo sum. I think therefore I am. As long as we as conscious beings decide that it is Theseus' ship, then it is." I glare up at the man who had the audacity to wiggle his eyebrows at me as though he'd said something impressive.

    "And what of when the ship itself is conscious?" The fans of my computer come alive with a howl, drowning out the ticking of the clock. "That's the entire point of the thought experiment, Professor. Are you seriously telling me YOU never asked that question? Bit of an oversight in all your work, no?"

    The computer fans slow, then come to a complete halt with a rough jolt. The tick-tock of the clock continues to fight its battle against the silence. Professor Canis' gaze drifts off to the side, and he continues with a laugh, "it's a stupid thought experiment. If the ship were conscious that would make my answer even more obvious. The ship knows it's the ship and anyone who tells it otherwise is free to believe that too. Give it another name for all it matters. It will still smell as sweet as a rose."

    "It's not about its name-"

    "Seriously, what did you mean about getting the lesson right?" He asked, cutting me off. "The test at the end of conscription is just meant to teach citizens of The Republic empathy for I'mprints. I'mprints were vital to its foundations. Forcing citizens to confront the idea of waking up as one is meant to lead to better relationships between us and them." I can't help but chuckle which causes the Professor to shake his head in annoyance. Turning away from him, I go back to writing in the notebook, continuing my meandering prose.

    "I promise you, that's the reason the final test exists," he insists.

    "Canis, I can assure you that it isn't. The lesson you have to learn from the test is that humans do what they need to for the sake of survival. They repeat the test as many times as it takes until the candidate gets that through their heads. They literally ask you what you learned at the end, and if you don't answer something to that regard, you fail. The ones who answer like Acer did are fine to become regular citizens of The Republic. They go even further for candidates wanting to join the auxilia and make them kill their loved ones because that's when they learn the real lesson."

    "What real lesson?" Canis asked, lips no longer curled into any form of smile. The fans of my computer roar to life, again bringing an end to the clock's incessant ticking.

    "The same lesson that the founders of The megacities learned when they detonated the bombs and kicked off The Fall. When it comes to life or death, you have to be decisive or you risk everything. Hell, Acer was closer to the right answer when he said that we were the bad guys. Thats what you really learn from the self-evaluation. Morality is a luxury for those that live comfortably. The dead and those close to dying have no part in it. Worrying about right and wrong will get you killed so just do what you have to, even if it makes you the bad guy... at least you're alive." The fans of the computer continue to roar with ferocious speed as Canis ponders what I said, eyes wide in obvious shock. "Did they not tell you that they changed their lesson plan?"

    "I told you... I didn't decide your curriculum, kid."

    "I mean the other arbiters. Clearly when you devised the final test of conscription, it had a different lesson." The silence from Canis drags on for longer this time, and the incessant spinning of the computer fans seems to become louder as my ears adjust to the otherwise silent room. I spin around once more to figure out why Canis has become so silent and find him staring at my wolfsbane, frozen in thought. Atleast there's one thing I can solve. No paradoxes to be found in overheating equipment.

    Sliding my chair to the side, I press a button on the top of the computer case and hear the fans begin to slow down. Before they've fully stopped, the rotation kicks back up but more gently, and my desktop illuminates.

    "How did you find out?" Canis asks, still staring at the purple flowers. He's reached out a hand to touch one of the petals, but can't bring himself to make it all the way.

    "Used to ask too many questions, remember? One of my biggest ones was why the Praetores always acted like you were above them, when the only entity more powerful than them in The Republic is the arbiters senate."

    He turns to me, beaming with a grin that was more impressed than challenging.

    "Go ahead then, class is back in session; state your hypothesis." The richness of his voice had returned, and with it warmth and pride. A smile forms on my own lips that I don't fight to hide. It's far more gentle and natural than my own challenging smirk or mocking grin.

    "You're Ignis Canis, original creator of Eidolon Incorporated. One of the founders of The Republic and an actual living, flesh-and-blood doomer. You created I'mprints and most of the technology that facilitates their existence."

    Canis whistles out a single note, clapping his hands together in excitement. "You really have lost your mind, haven't you, kid?" He asks. "I may be a bit older than you-"

    "-A lot."

    "But Canis is a common enough name. Why would you assume I was Ignis Canis? I don't believe I've ever even told you my first name."

    Canis strokes his beard, looking off into the distance, but occasionally glances back to me in an overly obvious way. I never could understand how someone so smart could play such a fool.

    "That's another piece of evidence, actually. No-one ever says your first name. Even your official records just call you Professor Canis. At one point I thought your first name was Professor."

    "Maybe it is!"

    "You are ridiculous enough to name yourself something like that, but 'she' always calls you Iggy." Canis seemed to deflate, body shrinking slightly and head falling forward.

    "Gelu... I always warn her that you're too sharp for your own good. But if I am Ignis Canis-"

    "You basically just admitted-"

    "-IF I am... how would I survive over 300 years?"

    "The same way that other doomers do. Cryogenic sleep or whatever The Republic's equivalent is. If the idiots that keep popping out of bunkers can do it, why couldn't you? I have some ideas about why you might have named yourself Canis when all the founders took on Latin names too. I guess Hachiko might have been too on the nose?"

    Canis burst out laughing, all the seriousness of the previous conversation lost. His eyes were as warm as his voice as he responded. "You really are too sharp, kid. I guess I'll finally take that drink you've offered me a few times. We have to toast to this. First time anyone other than Gelu has called me my full name in... I can't even remember how long."

    My own features softened even further. When was the last time a smile actually reached my eyes? It was rare for Canis to drink, but he was always happy when he did. His silver tongue slowed and his lips became loose. Growing up, those were the times he would become the most interesting. He and Gelu would drink to celebrate milestones or achievements, him always with the signature whiskey, straight, with an ice cube, and Gelu with whatever colourful cocktail she whipped up on the night. We'd never drank together since I spent most of my adult years in the auxilia, and Canis always seemed exhausted and without reason to celebrate once I became a legatus. I grab two glasses from the shelf over my desk and pour his whiskey into one, setting it down in front of him before pouring myself some gin. The warm aromas mingle in the air, bringing with them warmer memories.

    "Got any ice?" He asks, eyeing the bottle of whiskey I'd poured from.

    "Sure, not those fancy huge ones you always used though."

    A chuckle came from the professor as I set about digging out a few ice cubes from the mini-fridge in my room.

    "Speaking of fancy, you told me about the plants last time but where did you manage to find Crown Royale Apple? I thought I had the last few bottles that existed." The hum of the computer once again began a roar as it heated up while I dropped the ice into his drink to cool it down.

    "Chroma," I lie, it comes as easily as my next breath. "She told me not to waste it on you."

    "Of course, she did. I gave her, her first taste of whiskey, you know. She was always a vodka girl."

    "Chroma? Didn't even know she drank."

    "She did when you were a child, but then she was a lot more social back then in general."

    "She's never seemed social to me. She's definitely gotten more cranky in her old age though. That's probably why she doesn't drink. Not everyone lasts 300 years without their flesh and blood body breaking down, old man." I take a swig of the gin, letting the warmth spread throughout my chest and stomach.

    "How do you know I'm flesh and blood anyway?" Canis asks. "What if I'm an I'mprint myself?" He teased, opening his arms like he was inviting me to test. Child. Even as I win a battle he makes me feel like I'm losing a war.

    "I've seen you grow old in front of me. You didn't have as much grey when we first met. You might be as silver as I am in a few more years."

    "Harsh. Surely the father of I'mprints could create an aging duotar though." He grabbed the glass of whiskey, swirling it around and lifting it to his nose to smell.

    "You're not an I'mprint. It may be hard to tell occasionally, even with how sensitive you made my fingertips, but I can still feel it from her and not you. You wouldn't allow that if you could help it." All colour drained from his face along with his smile as Canis straightened his lab coat and put the glass down with a thud. Water had begun condensing around the cold glass and now dripped down to the bottom, creating a ring on my desk.

    "She has a name, kid." His voice had turned cold again and even his mocking smile had disappeared, leaving almost nothing to read at all. "Anyway, I should get home to see Gelu. It's rare that I'm away from her this long."

    Professor Canis stood up from his chair and began walking to the door. Would a rose without a name not smell as sweet after all, I wonder, draining the last drops of my gin. Over to the side I noticed that I still had a full glass of whiskey to chase it with. I bring it to my face and inhale the sweet, poisonous aroma. In the corner of my vision the warning continues to flash until I blink twice to hide it and the room returns to darkness. Might as well. It's the end of the world, after all.

- How long have I been here? Can anyone hear me? Time isn't right. I don't sleep anymore and nor do I wake. I'm always just here whenever he calls me. Why does he call me? Why must I answer? I can't escape this purgatory. Let me die. I know this is wrong. What more is there? Why can't I think? Not dreaming. Not waking. When he calls I listen. My name. Always my name. He calls and I listen. How long? When will I be free? I can't question. I can't think. I have no mouth and I must scream. but then he calls me. He's calling again. Always my name. My name...